BDSM and Socializing

The lifestyle, D/s (Dominant/submissive), while it is alive and healthy in RL (Real Life) is much more common in SL per capita. Reasons are various I would think but the main one would be that all manner of sex and lifestyle can be explored in SL much more safely and in a more controlled environment. It's also true that people in SL are much less likely to judge others. A popular saying in SL is, "It's my SL" meaning live the second life the way you want to because the first life may not be ideal. There is much better control over virtual life than RL. That being said, there are a lot of kinky people in SL!

D/s Lifestyle Meeting in Voice Chat

One of my favorite aspects of my SL is the D/s lifestyle. We even have groups with meetings and classes and lectures, all designed to better ourselves and make for a more enjoyable, enriched SL. Some of these get-togethers are lessons in safety (yes, real sensations can be experienced through your virtual self), some are chats on shared experiences, etc. Most of these have a group member who serves as a moderator who hosts the meeting using either text chat or voice chat or a mixture of both.

I should mention here that there are at least 3 ways to communicate in SL. One which is most popular is local chat. Local chat is typed into your viewer and sent out to 20 meters in every direction. It can only be read by people in the same location as you. Then there is Instant Message (IM) chat which is also typed text but is not broadcast like local chat. It can be between 2 or more people anywhere in SL. The location doesn't matter. There are IMs between two people and IMs in a conference call and group IMs. Then there's voice chat. If you have a microphone, you can talk to other avatars in your location.

So these meetings or BDSM munch or discussions pertaining to D/s lifestyle can take place in local text chat or local voice chat. As you can imagine, the local voice chats can really get out of hand if everyone is talking at once, so there are rules that the moderator enforces and also a protocol. Everyone keeps their mic shut off unless speaking. If an attendee wants to ask a question, the letter Q is typed into local chat. If they have a comment then the letter C it typed into local chat and the moderator keeps track of who keys their mic and talks next. At these meetings and any other D/s social gathering or environment, you will find that the submissive/slave sits or kneels at the Dom/mme or Master/Mistress' feet. That is socially acceptable as the sub/slave has given of themselves to their Owner/Dom/me.

Leash, gag, blindfold.

It is quite common in SL to see Doms or Dommes/Masters or Mistresses leading their submissives/slaves around on a leash. The leash attaches to the sub's collar and back to the Dom/me's hand held leash holder or center of the avatar if the leash holder is not worn. The leash is a very powerful tool and icon in SL. It tells the world that "this is my girl/boy and he/she is controlled by me and they have given themslelves to me". The collared one can be either a submissive, who has given of themselves to their chosen Dom/me or a slave who was purchased by the Master/Mistress and must do that person's bidding no matter what. Actually, that's not entirely true. There are hard limits for slaves but that's a topic for another article. In either case, it's the collar which contains the scripts that make control of the sub/slave possible.

Kneeling Before Her Master

The collar wearer first of all and foremost must have the desire to be controlled. They must actually wear the collar in the first place. So don't think for a moment that there is no free willed choice here. There has to be the desire to be under the control of a Dom/me or Master/Mistress. Secondly, the wearer of the collar must command it to choose an owner. There can be multiple owners and even co-owners. Once a Dom/Owner is chosen, several options become available. First, the owner of the collar can lock it. Once the collar is locked, the wearer cannot remove it, unless the wearer is also an owner of the collar. As you can see, this can start to get complicated. But all of the levels of ownership and submission make for the potential to enjoy a great deal of inner exploration and adventure.

Without getting too technical, here's some things the owner of a sub's/slave's collar can do. Attach a leash to the collar and lead the wearer around anywhere in a region, even flying. Position the wearer in just about any animation such as kneeling or sitting or hugging, etc. Shock an errant wearer with electricity. Tie or hitch the wearer to a post or anchor. Activate and adjust RLV (Restrained Love Viewer) settings. Once RLV is enabled, all sorts of control is enabled as well such as adding or removing clothing, enabling RLV trapping, which means allowing devices to grab the collar wearer when they approach close enough and trapping them into devices and animations/actions against their will and if RLV settings are done certain ways, the collar wearer has no control over the situation. Owners of RLV collars can even blind and gag collar wearers which means the wearer will be unable to see (screen goes blank) nor can they speak clearly (chat is garbled). If the collar wearer has a folder in their inventory called "#RLV" without the quotes, then the collar owner has access to all the clothing or items contained in that folder. You can essentially make your submissive/slave don cuffs and gags, blindfolds, buttplugs, etc. The main goal of providing all of these tools to the collar owner is for the collar wearer to give away as much control to the collar owner as possible. Try to imagine the level of trust a submissive must feel for her dom to provide that. But at the other end of the spectrum, the collar can also be setup as nearly featureless making it more of a symbol such as a ring, than a device of control.

Then there is Gor or Gorean role play (RP). I will not pretend to know much about Gor, just that it's a lifestyle based on a series of sci-fi/fantasy novels. It's very very popular in SL and the lifestyle has many similarities to BDSM D/s. The women there mostly wear collars of submission or slavery. There are Gorean RP sims and groups all over SL. Also Vampires, Lycans, furries, fairies, demons, angels, just about any style of avatar you can imagine in SL practices BDSM as well. It's probably the most popular sexual-based lifestyle in SL.

But it's not for everyone. I would imagine many of my readers would be appalled at the thought of a man or woman being treated as a sex object. Let's just say that until you've tried it, don't knock it. It adds a whole new and colorful dimension to a couple's relationship.